Acceptance .........

Acceptance ... comes in many many forms. *sighs softly*... Sometimes its easier to accept other peoples faults that it is to deal and accept your own. I find that to ring true with myself lately, I would rather over look other peoples problems and faults, than to truly delve into my own short comings.

Coming to terms with the person you "used" to be, some people will tell you that they are the same as they were in high school. I would like to call bullshit, simply because we evolve and change throughout our entire lives. Its just simple every choice we make, ever mistake, every joyous occasion, every tragedy slightly shifts who we are. There of course are parts of who you used to be still embedded into the person you are today. 

Drastic changes only come when you have courage to take that leap. Where it can make or break you.. You will either stand up tall and embrace or you will fall on you face. The choice is yours, honestly no one can hold your hand. They can support you, and give you advice when needed. But the change has to be within, it has to be pulled from the very bowels of your being. You are ultimately are responsible for your destiny. That's what free will buys you, a chance to fuck up and fix it. 

This journey is incredible, its almost impossible to describe the metamorphosis that has begun. When you are faced with life or death it was "my" choosing, wither I was going to live or if i was going to allow myself to die. That was my choice last year, I could stay the way I was (which was by far easier), or I could drastically change everything about me and take the leap of faith to live.. I had to weigh the options, I had to decide what was more important.. Food or Life? Comfort or Life? 

Once you decide you have to stick with it, you have relish in the fact that you are stronger than your addiction. One year and three months ago, I couldn't go up a flight of steps without almost passing out. I couldn't stand for more than a few moments without my back and legs ready to give out. One year and three months ago I was dying, one foot in the casket. I often wondered who would find my body? Who was going to say my eulogy, and would be any good. What would they say about me? Other than I went before my time, and how sad it was that I ate myself to death... 

NOPE!! No ....... UHHHHHHHHHH yeah.. NO!! That is not my ending, I am re-writing this fucker.. and that's not how it goes. I won't have it, im far to interesting to end that way.... We all know that when its my time, a freak occurrence will happen and ill be in the news. Woman found dead in a bath-tub full of pepto bismal,  a rouge can of cream corn laid near by, also officials won't confirm but there may have been six wombats.. tonight at 11.... 

I want the change, I need it...... there is so much more I can do with whatever time I have left. I am working on accepting my loose skin, and how much more weight i have to go. I am working on being more accepting that things will come when they come, stop freaking that the scale doesn't give you the numbers you want. 

With much love today my pretty little losers... from you favorite Villainess N......... <3