Therapy....

Therapy...... what does that mean excately? There are many ways to take the word therapy I suppose it just depends on the person using it and what i means to them...

For me Therapy means a sense of hope, someone that will listen to what I have to say.. therefore I suppose my Facebook, Youtube, and this is also a type of therapy. Not that I find what I have to say that terribly important or interesting. But I feel that the things I need to say should be out there. That i cannot be the only person with these feelings.... 

Today I went to my second session with my theripst, Dr. G .... She is a kindly woman who has a bright smile, instantly makes me want hug her thats something important to me. If you are going to watch me cry, and listen to what all is on my mind. Well I should be able to get a hug or two from time to time... sometimes its just needed... 

A lot of people think going to therapy means your crazy, I don't feel that way at all.. I feel that if you are STRONG enough to seek help, then it doesn't make you crazy it makes you understand there are things in life you CANNOT take care of on your own. Therefore you are actively seeking much needed help from an outside source. That all boils down to becoming that better YOU i keep spouting about. 

Taking the time to talk to someone who has a PHD, who has heard 1000's of stories from all sorts of people, only makes sense that perhaps I cannot FIX myself. Maybe bouncing off ideas to a third party might be just what I need. Two heads are better than one, so I have crippling anxiety, I have crippling panic attacks... that doesn't mean i am crazy. It means somewhere somehow something fucked me up, and my brain needs to be retrained. I wasn't born this way, I have been depressed since I was a child, but I wasn't born unhappy. You can choose to be unhappy for the rest of your life, but that is not me... I have come to far, to let this beat me so its time to change. Inside and out, surgery was only part of what I was willing to do, to become the better ME. 

What are you willing to do to achieve your goals? How much are you willing to give up? Forcing myself to admit I needed help in more area's than one was the biggest thing I have been dealing with. Admitting that I wasn't going to wake up FIXED one day, it wasn't going to happen by magic. No amount of pills is going to make my life perfect! It can help ease the symptoms but those things are still under the service and need to be dealt with. I will NOT live my life dependent on medicine for my general happiness. I will find my happiness within, I will fix the issues that cause me to want to cut, to harm, to eat, to cry uncontrollably, to panic.... 

Life is too short: its far too short to be scared of living......

I may not make these everyday, but so far ... not too shabby..... <3 Have a great day my pretty little losers... from your favorite Villainess N.