Learning to live my life without... without what you may ask... well allot of things. I can't give you my entire back story its far too much to write in this entry. But ill eventually give you what you seek though my endless ramblings either here, Facebook, or YouTube. Its all about what platform suits you best, that's half my problem I have always wanted them all.. self indulgence should have been my middle name.

So living a life without, hasn't been easy.. And it challenges me every single day to do better, to push further to become... what???? excately what I am trying to figure out myself....

Writing a blog is always hard for me, because I write and write and write then I read it and delete things I say. That's why i enjoy vlogging so much, because I don't do retakes if it comes out of my mouth it goes in and i don't know how to edit so there is no filter.

I am learning to live... I don't really feel as if i have ever actually lived. My life has been lackluster to say the very very least. I allowed 34 years of my life to go by, while wandering around different peoples homes doing odd jobs ect. And never really sticking to one certain thing, or group of people. It easiest if you just move on, can't get hurt that way I mean its me moving on right... no one is leaving me behind??! So its got to be easier to just pick up and head to the next town ect.....

Its never been that hard for me to make friends, keeping them has been the problem. I tend to push when the going gets tough, easier to deal with if i just drop them like a bad habit the moment they learn what a mess i am. Its been hard to try and keep friendships over the last few years, opening myself up and actively trying to KEEP the friendship and relationships is one of the hardest things I have dealt with so far.

This would be a great time to explain how random I am, in these ramblings of mine you will no doubt become rather confused. Its normal, welcome to my thought process its just about everywhere at once!! I will try to stay on point, but that is a rare thing for me. Just enjoy the tangent wherever it may lead us!

So this is the end of my first entry..... Until tomorrow my pretty little losers......... xo your favorite Villainess N.