A letter to myself...

I often times find myself talking to past/future me, does that make sense? The person I used to be, and the person I am slowly and steadily becoming.... Its an odd feeling today I felt as if I needed to write a letter as if the person I am becoming is a long lost friend that though time we drifted apart. A happier/healthier me that I once knew, suddenly is popping back up to say hello with an apology. So this blog may seem odd, but I feel it will help me in a strange way when I read back over it thought-out my journey.. 

I am sorry, for life simply put just life. We drifted apart, you went a different road than was planned and we somehow we got separated. I felt for a long time I should contact you, let you know that I was somehow still there, even in the darkest of times. But sadly again LIFE intervened. 

I was unable to get to you when you needed me the most. I am sorry you felt that I didn't care, that you weren't wanted, that you weren't good enough.. I am sorry for everything... I want you to know I am here now, and things are going to change. And I will be that backbone and willpower, that friend you so desperately needed so many times as you cried over every single bag of chips, every single box of cookies, every slice of cake you ate to FEEL just a little bit better about your situation no matter how fleeting that FALSE happiness may have been. 

I love you, just the way you are.. you are a work in progress. A beautiful catastrophe, a whirl wind of sarcasm and wit.. A gentle soul, that would give anything for the ones she loves. You found your other half, it was the first step of many. This journey you have embarked on its a hard and treacherous road full of ups and downs around every corner. It won't be easy, its going to be hell before its all over. And I need you to know I am here when you need me. Understand that you will fail, the best part of understanding failure is that you know what NOT to do the next time. You understand that its just life and you can learn from every mistake you make. 

Becoming the better you is never easy, you have so little time on earth. So many lives you have and will come n contact with, and it seems that the people who use their time here to help others are the ones who seem the happiest. 

I love you... I've always loved you... 

(This blog is just my way of apologizing for every year I felt helpless, miserable, hopeless, depressed and suicidal... I cannot go back to yesterday, I am no longer that person... )