Forgiveness....

Do we really realize what forgiveness is...? Like when you honestly sit down and think about forgiving someone else, what does it mean to you personally?

I thought long and hard about this (yes yes.. thats what she said! LOL), no but I have thought a lot about this subject the last few days. I am trying to make an effort to let go, as the song from frozen says. Let it go... let it go... can't hold me back anymore. Now that I have given everyone an earwig for today back to my point... 

How can you forgive and forget? Are people made to forgive those who have wronged them? Are we able to see past the pain and suffering and become the bigger person in the situation. Humans are odd creatures, no one is exactly alike.. therefore no one has a damn clue what is going to piss off another person. So we all follow simple guidelines in order to "try" and get along. 

Most of us want the comfort of friends and family, there are some people out there that prefer to be alone. But.. I will use the word "but" here, (because I have played both sides of this field) the people who typically want to be alone normally are running from something, or suffering from some sort of social or behavioral disorder.

Most of us choose not to be alone, not to be lonely. Being that I spent almost half my life running from social contact of any kind, I can tell you that I was fucking miserable either way. I was miserable around people, and without them. It was all ME, which is very hard to realize when you are in the middle of a nervous breakdown... 

Forgiveness is hard, and actually meaning it..... is even harder. You can tell your husband you forgive him for losing your favorite pair of earrings... Yet the moment he loses something else you love, you will instantly toss it in his face.. "OH yeah just like that time you lost my favorite pair of earrings!!!". So you didn't actually forgive him, you saved the situation as fodder for the next time he fucks up. 

I am working very hard on forgiving, I seem to have so much in my past that still bugs me today. So many people I felt wronged me, but to be honest and to really really be honest with myself. Those people don't give a rats ass or may not even know they hurt me. They are moving on with their lives and here I sit still brewing over something that happened 20 some odd years ago. Really!!??? 

Does that make any sense, I cannot go back, and obviously if they haven't contacted me in 20 some odd years to say they are sorry. I seriously doubt they remember or simply care. So why should I waste my time? Why should I carry this burden? This hate, shame, anguish? Over something that can never be taken back? 

Let it the hell go... You cannot change it... you cannot go back to yesterday Nirvana. I cannot spend anymore time on "what if's",  or on the "maybe if I would have's". or on the" it could have been's"..... Because they didn't happen that way, they won't happen that way, and whatever the situation was it happened the way it did for a reason. You never understand simple choices, and how they shape your future. 

I am working hard to forgive myself most of all... You must be able to forgive to move on, there is no moving on until you can honestly remember the situation without being mad or hurt by it. Realize it has happened for a reason... the purpose is not for you to see or even understand it just... sometimes is! 


Alright my pretty little losers, work on forgiving it will make you a much happier person I assure you.... From your favorite Villainess N... <3