I spent some time this morning pondering over coffee, in what direction is my life going? I remember asking myself this very same question when I turned 30 years old and decided to start college. Now 30,000 dollars in debt (thanks university of phoenix), I still haven't used the degree I got.
Don't get me wrong I know I have made various strides into fixing my life, but what direction is it going. Where do I see myself in 10 years, what is going to help me be the best ME. So with these questions in mind, I am going to slowly formulate this morning.
Everyone knows I want a family, but when I push aside my raging hormones for a moment. I can clearly think that without saving and working it wouldn't work. That just trying to live off of matthews income wouldn't be feasible to raise a family. I haven't worked in a very very long time, 9 years since my accident and my withdrawal from life completely. So unless its a miracle I am going to push having babies back another year or so. Yes .. yes i am going to be old, shut up!! I will be 37 maybe even verging on 38, but I will be super healthy, and a lot wiser than I am now. I will also with all hopes have a nest egg to help transition having a super cute human dimpled mini me.
So I have also thought about going back to school, but considering that I cannot even use the degree I have now.. the thought of going back seems unlikely. I do however kinda toss around looking at getting certified for medical billing, since that is what my degree is in anyways. And it would be way cool to toss medical jargon around and look smart!!!!
Now on the subject of skin issues, well it would seem it is going to be a long process that is going to suck major ass. Yah so tricare won't pay for much except for the apron removal, but that won't stop me from trying to get more approved. I just need to find the right doctors to help me, I won't give up that easy and there would be no way in hell I could afford the amount of money it would take to fix this on my own. Then again i have a long while before I can consider taking skin off, so for now ill suck it up and just keep on.. keeping on.
Traveling... uh yes I am planning (prays so hard right now), that I can head to the east coast to visit my mother and brother in March of next year. It will still be cool enough that I won't die trying to go to disney world and other festivities. I haven't seen my mother in a very long time, and well my brother in lets say since 2002. As my only living sibling it would be nice to try and reconnect at some point, but we shall see how that goes. We are very different and have had very little contact since I was a kid. I do love him very much, but honestly we don't know each other. I would very much like to change that some day but we shall see. <3
Let me tell you about this man who married me, unconditional love. Its what I receive every single day of my life. He loves me with everything he has and more.. I couldn't have asked for someone better, as I have stated so many times God granted me one wish. To have someone who would love me no matter what, thats what i prayed for since i was so very little. And I got my miracle because I can assure you I am a damned handful and a half. My hormones have me going from 0-Kill in no time, he is immune to my temper tantrums with what I call him having the patience gene. It surely is missing from my chromosomes, I have absolutely NO patience. He is so good to me even when i don't deserve it, he always has open arms and for all the little things I am eternally grateful to have someone as precious and amazing as him in my life.
So the road is long, and the journey for me is just starting... I am looking forward to seeing where this road is going to lead!
Thats all for now my pretty little losers ... from your favorite Villainess N~ <3
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